Lost

Lost...I hate the feeling of being lost.  

Honestly, it's a fear of mine.  It's not an all consuming kind of fear...I don't usually freak out, but I do get nervous and slightly panicky if I feel like I'm lost. 

It's not the kind of fear that keeps me from going places...I generally don't worry about getting lost...

...instead I make sure I know where I'm going.  I need to see where I am and where I want to be and how to get there, so maps are a friend of mine...and Google maps is a very, very good friend of mine.  So is my cell phone.  I like knowing that I can call someone if I need to.  

And I like my GPS (a gift from my brother)...it's a fairly new addition to my fear-of-getting-lost tool belt.  You would think that I would have been one of the first to get a GPS because of my "sensitivity" to the lost feeling...but I wasn't.  Mostly because the GPS is good at giving directions and it's good at getting me from point A to point B...but it's not good at helping me feel like I know where I am or what's going on...and sometimes I simply don't trust it.  There are too many stories of people getting lost, accidents, etc because the driver listened to the GPS instead of common sense.  Don't get me wrong...I like my GPS and I am thankful for it...but it does not do much to relieve my fear of being lost.  I still check things out on a map before setting up my destination on my GPS...it's better to be over ready than to risk getting lost, in my opinion.

You see...I like to know exactly where I am...and why.

It's probably some kind of control thing.

And lately I have been feeling quite lost.  

Not when I'm out and about on our new Texas roads so much...out here they build in grid patterns and I already know my way around here way better than I ever did in PA :)  

We are enjoying our new state and the new weather.  We are enjoying our new church and our new home.

That's the thing...it's all new.

Sometimes you just want what is familiar.  You want to be around people who already know you.  You want your kids to be able to see their dearest friends.  

I've been feeling like I'm very far away, very disconnected, sometimes discouraged, and homesick...sometimes I even cry.


Like last week when we went to church.  Church was wonderful, but I cried during worship simply because I missed our church in PA.  I cried because I knew my girls would be going to their classes and they don't really have any friends yet.  I cried because I miss seeing the dear faces of our dear friends.  

Nothing here is bad...it's just new.

And this emotion, these feelings of being lost and alone, had been building up...they just couldn't be contained anymore.  Both Steve and I, and our girls, were feeling disconnected and kinda down.  So we talked a bunch, hugged, and even cried together.  Steve and I tried to encourage our girls with examples from Scripture of people God had physically moved to other lands...He was always working in their lives even when He called them to go to new places and do hard things.  We encouraged each other by remembering what our other moves have been like and how wonderfully God has always provided strong churches and dear friends.  We encouraged each other by trusting in how God had moved and provided just to get us here...surely His plan didn't stop once we got to Texas.

But the coolest, kindest thing was how our Lord encouraged us later that night.  Last Sunday evening we had a special worship service at our church...a time of singing and prayer...and whatever else the Lord had in store.  We showed up a bit late, but joined right in with praising God through song.  There was a time when we also prayed...and there was a time when we prayed for specific people who were needing some extra prayer and encouragement that night. 

God brought a particular verse to Steve's mind and Steve had an opportunity to share it with the group...yes, like in front of everyone at the microphone :) 

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord.  He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit."  Jeremiah 17: 7-8



Well, this beautiful reminder in scripture was such a blessing to me...and it was a blessing to hear it shared by my husband...and it was a blessing to know that it ministered to others as well.  Steve, I am so thankful for you and so thankful that you shared.  I know it was way outside of your comfort zone, but you honored God with you obedience to share...and you blessed others who needed to hear that particular verse...thank you.


Meanwhile, I was still hanging out with Gracia and the girls.  I could hear someone crying behind me.  I looked back to see a woman sitting a few rows behind me...alone...and obviously upset.  Lord, what should I do?  So I began praying for her.  Lord, what should I do?  I went over and simply sat next to her with my arm on her back and prayed for her.  I had (and still have) no idea what she was going through, but the Lord knew and I feel like He allowed me to just be a person next to her so she would know she was not alone.  I didn't ask her what was wrong, I just prayed for her.  Later, we introduced ourselves and she thanked me for praying for her...it was a simple, yet nice connection.  It was nice to feel like God had used me to minister to another.


And that's when I heard His still, quiet voice.  

You are right where you are supposed to be.  You are here by my design.  You are here to serve.  You are not lost, Rachel.  You are not lost.

And my outlook on all the newness changed.  It doesn't mean that we no longer miss those who God intertwined our lives with.  It doesn't mean that we forget Covenant Fellowship.  It doesn't mean that we no longer miss the familiar.  


But it does mean that we are determined to walk in faith...to trust our Lord who has always carried us.  We believe He moved us here and we believe He has a plan...we believe His ways are good even when we can't or don't understand them...we believe, Lord. 


Yes, we believe.


"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."  Jeremiah 29: 11


"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose."  Romans 8: 28


Have a blessed day~
Rach