Weary~

Tonight, I am weary.

Steve has received official word that the company in Wilmington that he interviewed with last month has decided not to hire him.  We've known for a week now...the feedback that Steve's advisor at school received was that Steve was "too laid back" for their company...but the official letter is still disappointing.  It may only be written on paper, but it feels like a hammer blow. 

This weariness has been slowly building...over the course of months as Steve has looked for a job.  His industry has been crushed by this economic downturn...pharmaceutical research may never look the same in this country again.  

I'll admit it...I am worried.  I feel like my faith has been stretched to a point where it may snap.  And then I'm troubled by feeling like this...I don't want a faith that is determined by circumstances.  I don't want a faith that is strong when life runs smoothly, but crumbles when life is hard.  I want to trust my Savior, I want to follow Him well.

I also want some stability.  We have been living "in limbo" for so long...I just want to know what we're doing, if we're moving, where we're going.  It's not about money...I am so over "living a lifestyle" and accumulating things, but we do need some kind of a job.  

I know what I believe about my God and Savior.  I know He is trustworthy and faithful.  I know He has a plan for Steve and our family.  I can look back in my life and recall His love and care and I don't believe that He has forgotten us.

But I am feeling a disconnect between what my head knows to be true and what my heart feels right now.  Is this a lack of faith...I don't know.  I only know that I might as well be honest with God...I can't hide anything from Him.  He knows my thoughts already anyway.

He also knows how all this is going to turn out...and I believe His ways are good and best...even when it doesn't make sense to me.  

I guess that's all for now...we sure would appreciate your prayers~

"When trials come no longer fear
For in the pain our God draws near
To fire a faith worth more than gold
And there His faithfulness is told


Within the night I know Your peace
The breath of God brings strength to me
And new each morning mercy flows
As treasures of the darkness grow

I turn to Wisdom not my own
For every battle You have known
My confidence will rest in You
Your love endures Your ways are good

When I am weary with the cost
I see the triumph of the cross
So in it’s shadow I shall run
Till You complete the work begun

One day all things will be made new
I’ll see the hope You called me to
And in your kingdom paved with gold
I’ll praise your faithfulness of old"
Keith and Kristyn Getty

God bless~

Rach