Elijah's 12th Birthday~

"It is the Lord who goes before you.  He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you."                                                                                      Deuteronomy 31: 8

 "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."       Psalm 34: 18

Twelve years ago today I had my first baby...less than 2 hours later he died in Steve's arms.  

Elijah's life:  months being knit together in my womb, 1 hour and 40 minutes here on Earth.

In Daddy's arms~

I still have questions, but they no longer haunt me.  I still desire answers, but I no longer live believing those answers would heal me.  

I am thankful for how gracious my Lord has been to me in this grief and the healing He has brought to my heart.  He has brought me to a place that accepts, a place that believes I will one day understand, a place that trusts that His different plans will one day be revealed and I will be in awe of His ways.  

I look forward to that day.  Yes, I look forward to that day.

...but I still miss my son.  I wish I could have watched him grow.  I wish he could know his sisters.  I wish Steve and I could know him.  So many hopes and dreams that are never to be here on Earth...I wish...

...and wait for that day~

Elijah, you are precious and we love you~